Gay Animal Porn

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Santa Monica

Walking out of the Unurban Cafe after a very good acoustic set by Monsieur Graff I was to behold a sight that would - like a just picked booger that would not depart one’s finger - stick in my mind for a while.

One of the very large Cockroaches - the ones you see outdoors because they have outgrown houses - was outside and on top the the very large roach was an even larger roach.

It was a vivid example of our interpretation of Blattodea la amour.

Myself, monsieurs Graff, David Guerrero (of Third Grade Teacher fame) and Morris the younger were slightly disturbed by nature’s poignant beauty, although David held forth upon the proposition that a lot of money could be made, mucho dinero, through a website with exclusive cockroach pornography. I stood there imagining, “Barely Legal Roaches”. David’s enthusiasm was boundless and mildly infectious.
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Monterey Park, California

“So why don’t you restore the database?”

“The thing’s 145 megs compressed! How the hell am I gonna do that? The O drive’s out of freakin’ space!”

“What the hell do you have on there, taking up so much room? Are you keeping a 50 gig porn collection on there?”

“Finding porn on the computer is like finding smog in L.A.”

I consider for a moment. “It’s my porn collection. My personal porn collection. My gay animal porn collection.”

“What!?”

“Yeah. My 50 gig hidden encrypted ghost file of gay animal porn. Good luck finding it. By the way, did you ever see boy roach on boy roach action? It’s freakin’ hot.”

For a moment my mythical hidden encrypted gay animal porn collection gained notoriety within the all male support department, which I am a part of, and the IT department. Whenever the network would act cludgy or the guys would be staring at the screen, someone would quip about indexing my gay animal porn. Bits of unusual sexual practices paired with animal contexts were mentioned, like lesbian electric eels, or corkscrew penis-shaped pigs would have porky boy action.
It died down after a while.
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Earlier today

Me and Mike from IT were leaving when Mike was making a crack about the pig part of the gay animal porn experience. Livia, the giggly Latina receptionist/shipping clerk made a WTF? noise. Standing in front of Livia, I said “There is a mythical multi-gig file sitting on the network. It’s my massive gay animal porn collection.”

“What!? And you’re keeping it all to yourself? You suck!”

I said, “It’s heavily encrypted.”

She said “I thought I was your homegirl! You should share--let me see some of that!”

As I walked out of the office, I wondered if gay animal porn had a niche market after all.