Accidental Wingman and the Art of the cheesy Pick Up Line

Accidental Wingman and the Art of the cheesy Pick Up Line
For Teresa who ??? me about this.

Feeling somewhat -- disassociated and needing some need for a mild visceral escape I wondered aimlessly around the Hollywood area last Wednesday. After a bit I arrived solo at bar Tiki Ti where I have become a (once a week) regular for some strong rum drinks and familiar company. The wide ethnic mix helps the vibe.

The regulars are a cast of characters that have been anchored at the last old school Tiki bar west of the Mississippi. All of them know me and Laura - her appearances are irregular in part because she does not drink.
During my second drink I fell into a conversation with a 50 yo man - younger in looks and attitude - African american and alive. In the ensuing conservation I kept to listening mode. I have - at the Tiki - heard people express the most personal details of there life journeys. This was no exception. I enjoyed the fraternal camaraderie. He had been going to the Tiki for 30 years. He had not met or socialized with me.

In part due to alcohol I did not get a part of the conversation - that I would help him with a pair of women who were arriving shortly. One women was his intended point of focus (ie target) - because he told them that he would have a male friend with him the women brought a female friend. Her friend - if I was lucky - has very nice breasts.

His buddy flaked - I was drafted to be the “friend”. Its was unfolding to me in a slightly unreal haze.

Enter in two lovely, cosmopolitan Latina women. One with feathered hair and the other was - yup a young 20 something women with very nice breasts. A fine featured dark haired brown shaded women. Tasteful display of cleavage.
I peel off to go to the bathroom - when I come back the bar stool is next to the 20 something, her friend the the left of me.

I asked her name - “ Laura “

The universe is filled with irony.

I wait for the potent cocktails arrive - a few tentative sips and I mildly touch into my loser persona. She with some pose says I should not put myself down.

My Philippino side - gregarious and full of shit was pouring out of my alcohol soaked brain. I was trying to get her to be disinterested in me in a charming way so the other guy could keep up his conversation with his object of desire.

I decide to go for broke. As a drafted Wingman I could hear my “buddy” faltering slightly with his paired up gal. I knew if I wanted to keep there interest I would have to amuse Laura but at the same time make her disinterested in me in particular. Its very easy to make someone disinterested in you of you are male. If harder to do so in an entertaining manner.

In my slightly inebriated state - I think of something.

“Your an attractive women - you must get pick up lines all of the time”

“ Not really - I think there cheesy”

“Want to hear my worse Pick up line”

*slight smile* “sure”

“ Do you have any Filipino in you?

“ ..noo”

“Do you want some?”

* a momentary pause - then a chuckle

I then ask - no entreatingly demand anyone around me in this tiny bar to try there worst line pick up line - both male and female. Not surpassingly the women remembered some lines that they recited.

One tall blond guy with a halting delivery

“ I may not he Fred Flintstone - but I do know how to make your BED ROCK”

One regular

“Do you sleep with strangers? Because I am the strangest guy in this bar!!”
A women

“ One gay said to me - Why don’t you sit on my lap and lets see what pops up?”


“ They call me coffee - because I grind - so fine! “
“

One of the worse

“ Do you want a pizza and a fuck?

*slap*

“Wha.. You don’t like pizza? “

And the classics

“ Is your father a baker because he made some sweet, sweet buns! “

“ Are you wearing astronaut pants - because those buns are out of this world!”

“ Get me a library card... because I have to CHECK YOU OUT!”

“ Someone get me a cell phone - I have to call Charlie and tell him he’s missing an ANGEL”

“ Someone get me a quarter - I have to call Mom and tell her I ‘m in LOVE..!”

I know I am missing some - but I remember the one I liked the most was this one from a nerdy tall blond women with very retro glasses.

She took her finger and liked it suggestively - then she touched Laura on the shoulder and said in a matter of fact voice.

“ Your cloths are wet, maybe you should take them off? “

I know I am forgetting some. As I left at 11:30 the two women had enjoyed themselves (the alcohol helped) and were flanking the guy - I said I had to go - gave my regards to Jedi Jen and took off back to my place.

Women entertained. Mission somewhat accomplished.